Weight Loss Part I

I'm Determined! I WILL LOSE WEIGHT. I WILL GET HEALTHY. I WILL BE HAPPY.

Ok on Tuesday, June 29th I again started to exercise with The Biggest Loser video game for Wii. I love it. I had been using it and stopped after 1.5 weeks. I also gained about 20 pounds during the time which I stopped. I don't know what I did other than just not be active and I was semi anxious. I'm so excited to start again.

On the 29th I weighed in at 226 which was up about 20 pounds from right after I had Mateo. On Thursday July 1st I weighed again and actually gained 3lbs. I was so upset so I was up to 229. Monday July 5th I had another weigh in and I weighed 227. I went down. Today which was not a true weigh in just me being curious I weighed and am at 224! I'm so happy. It's not much but I'm down 2lbs from when I started. I want to lose more weight so bad. I'm trying to lose 40-50lbs by the end of summer. This is just my journal as I go along.

I try to work 30-60 minutes a day. I'm also counting calories which isn't fun but it is helping. I've noticed a difference in the way my legs look and a little around the middle. I even started doing sit-ups today using Malakhi to sit on my feet.

Random thoughts at a funeral

Last Sunday May 23, 2010 a co-worker of my dad and Lonnie passed away. His call him Tom. He was 42 years old and had a wife and 14 year old son. Today, May 28, 2010 was his funeral. I am admitting that it was the saddest most depressing funeral I have ever attended. The priest/clergy person/whatever he truly was gets up there and begins by saying we were there to remember the life of Tom. Okay...I can understand so far. He then says that Tom's wife asks him if he thinks he is in heaven...he then asks her "I don't know, what do you think?" She says..."well, I think so...I mean he was a good person"... A good person? Are you kidding me? Do you really think we get into heaven by our works? Romans 3:23: "For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

So anyway she says she "thinks" he's in heaven, then the person directing the service says that she also told him that when the lights flickered in the room she said he was in the room with them. Oh my...first of all if he was in "heaven" the bible says to be absent with the body is to be present with the Lord...but then again that requires salvation. So he goes on and "prays" him into heaven. REALLY? I can pray an unsaved person into heaven? The answer would be no. Romans 6:23: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." Lets see...the wages of sin is death. No where does it say he is in heaven, nowhere does it say he is with us here, and no where does it say we can "pray" him into heaven. Romans 10:9-10: "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved." Okay good, cleared that one up. We need to confess with our mouth "Jesus You Are Lord, You are Lord of my life." We need to believe that God raised him from the dead...then, we will be saved.

Back to the service, Tom's wife had a massive breakdown in the middle to where the service had to be stopped for several minutes to let her grieve. The the lights flickered due to the A/C kicking on and causing an energy surge and she screamed..."See, I told you...he's here...he came to say goodbye." My heart broke for her. There is absolutely no peace in her life. No knowing where her husband is. No comfort of my savior.

I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 8 years old. I was baptized confessing Him as my Lord. I'm not even close to being a perfect person but I have assurance in my salvation. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My first thoughts at the funeral were that I needed to get mine and my family's health in a priority so we can be here to raise our kids, which is true, but the more I sat in there and listened to everything that was going on I praised God that IF something ever does happen to Lonnie or me, we have the assurance that the other is in the presence of our all loving Father.

John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life."

Please don't be in the position of Tom where you don't know, don't leave your family in a position of not knowing where you are.

I know this was long and much of it probably is rambled because it is late at night and I'm very tired but I had to get these feelings out. All I know is when I go home I want there to be a celebration knowing how happy I am. I understand that people will grieve as I grieve for those I've lost but I will be happy. I will be singing praises to Jesus.

Update

Shortly after posting this we went to urgent care because Khi was having a hard time breathing and gasping for air. It sounded as if he was breathing through a straw. Urgent care closes at 11 and we signed in at 10:55. That was scary. I was worried we wouldn't make it before they closed but we did. Of course Khi had calmed down and fallen asleep too. The Dr. still came in and saw him and said he had a viral infection with underlying asthma. (duh) LOL ok sorry. He gave him a prescription for Prednisone and his inhaler.

The Prednisone has made him not abnormal, but everything he does he does 10xs. he was trying to hand me something yesterday and he kept giving it to me but was forgetting to let go. It's cute but oh my. HAHA. Anyway. I think we are all on the mend. At least I pray this is the end of this cold. :)

Mommy Struggles

Being an asthmatic as a kid is hard. It's a struggle to run, play, and do many other things. I pushed myself as a kid but every time I did, I would get into trouble and not be able to breathe. I would be so sad and so depressed all the time when kids would play and I wasn't able to. Now as a mommy, I'm seeing a whole new side to asthma. My precious Malakhi is so sick with a cold and night times are horrible. He coughs so hard he ends up throwing up.

I just went into his room because his coughing was not letting up. I picked him up and had to wake him completely up to use his inhaler as he just cried. He then begged me to just hold him so I picked him up, took him to the bathroom, and rubbed vicks all over his little chest. My heart just broke. As I sat in the bathroom with him, all I could do was pray and cry. It hurts me so much to see such a little guy be in such misery. I love you Malakhi. I pray Mateo doesn't have asthma. He's already starting to show signs as well.

Lord, let Your will be done. Please help me to be strong for my boys. In Jesus Name. Amen.

I don't know how to express the way I am feeling right now. My heart is joyous for all my friends and family who are pregnant and having babies but yet my heart has so much sorrow that I will not have another. I know it is very selfish of me to feel this way. I absolutely love my boys so much. If I didn't have them, I would not know the love of a mother for a child. That must be why my heart is so heavy. There is something special about raising a child up in the ways of the Lord. Even now I hear Malakhi in the other room singing Jesus loves me and I just melt.

Oh I don't know why I'm going on and on about this. I know I just need to move past it. I guess I just needed to write it down somewhere. :)

Never take for granted the blessings you have in your life.

Never take for granted the blessings you have in your life.

I think we live day by day and forget to count how many blessings the Lord has given us. I look at myself and complain about this, or that. Then, I stop, I look around and discover how wonderful our Lord is. I have great parents who love me. I have a sister who tolerates, okay loves me. LOL. I met a wonderful man who is my best friend and became my husband almost 7 years ago. We bought our first home almost 7 years ago. We both had jobs that allowed us to do that. We got pregnant with our first baby in January of 06 and our second in July of 06. No, we didn't get to meet them yet. Jesus is holding onto them for now but we will meet our babies in heaven. In September of 06 we got pregnant again. This time God guided the Dr. to find out why I was miscarrying and I was able to hold onto him. Our precious Malakhi was born June 20th 2007. Now he's sitting here in front of me watching Handy Manny at his Handy Manny table and eating his cheerio's at 2 1/2 years old. Then in May of 08 I got pregnant I think but that baby is also with Jesus. Then June of 08 I found out I was pregnant again. We have our precious Mateo who was born February 13th 2009.

I wrote all this to say even when things in this world are stressing us out all around us, look at all the blessings we have. Without putting all my trust in Jesus I know I wouldn't be grateful for the situation I am in right now.

I love my Lord and trust Him with ALL my heart. I know that He causes ALL things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28.
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and he will make you path straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.

I'm going to be starting a new Bible Study soon. It is self led but if anyone has any suggestions that would be great. I've been reading my Bible and just surface reading. Looking for the God is great, God is good, until I got to Hebrews. Then it started talking about going deeper and actually studying the ways of God. Now, when I am done with Hebrews, I'm going to start reading in the old testament. I want to go deeper. I know that God has washed away our sins and we are no longer "under the law," but I want to know the laws of God. I want to understand them, and I want to follow them as closely as possible with God's help of course.

Why, for so long, have I just looked at the surface of God. I just looked for Him to tell me that everything would be ok. I just wanted to be reminded of His grace. He died once for me why do I think I have to keep coming back? I don't. I'm His! I belong to Jesus! I need to get serious for Him. I need to learn His ways and follow Him.

Ok, sorry for the rant. I feel way the heck better now. :) So if you even read this and were able to follow. Thank you. :)

Happy Birthday Mateo

Today you are 1 year old. You are a wonderful son and have brought so much joy to my life. When you were born you completed our family. From your first cry until now I have been truly blessed. Your Papa and I are so excited to have you in our family. In the first year of your life you have learned to walk, got your first (and only tooth so far), learned how to eat on your own, learned how to use a sippy cup, learned how to say Mama and Papa (even say happy birthday but that's between me and your Nana), and taught me better ways to be a Mommy. There are so many things I could tell you about how much I love you.

Lord, I pray for both of my boys. I love my Malakhi and my Mateo. I love them both so very much. I pray you give me wisdom and how to be the best Mommy ever. I want to train them in Your way. Help me to teach them how much you love them and how to serve You. In Jesus name, Amen.