I don't know how to express the way I am feeling right now. My heart is joyous for all my friends and family who are pregnant and having babies but yet my heart has so much sorrow that I will not have another. I know it is very selfish of me to feel this way. I absolutely love my boys so much. If I didn't have them, I would not know the love of a mother for a child. That must be why my heart is so heavy. There is something special about raising a child up in the ways of the Lord. Even now I hear Malakhi in the other room singing Jesus loves me and I just melt.

Oh I don't know why I'm going on and on about this. I know I just need to move past it. I guess I just needed to write it down somewhere. :)