Random thoughts at a funeral

Last Sunday May 23, 2010 a co-worker of my dad and Lonnie passed away. His call him Tom. He was 42 years old and had a wife and 14 year old son. Today, May 28, 2010 was his funeral. I am admitting that it was the saddest most depressing funeral I have ever attended. The priest/clergy person/whatever he truly was gets up there and begins by saying we were there to remember the life of Tom. Okay...I can understand so far. He then says that Tom's wife asks him if he thinks he is in heaven...he then asks her "I don't know, what do you think?" She says..."well, I think so...I mean he was a good person"... A good person? Are you kidding me? Do you really think we get into heaven by our works? Romans 3:23: "For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

So anyway she says she "thinks" he's in heaven, then the person directing the service says that she also told him that when the lights flickered in the room she said he was in the room with them. Oh my...first of all if he was in "heaven" the bible says to be absent with the body is to be present with the Lord...but then again that requires salvation. So he goes on and "prays" him into heaven. REALLY? I can pray an unsaved person into heaven? The answer would be no. Romans 6:23: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." Lets see...the wages of sin is death. No where does it say he is in heaven, nowhere does it say he is with us here, and no where does it say we can "pray" him into heaven. Romans 10:9-10: "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved." Okay good, cleared that one up. We need to confess with our mouth "Jesus You Are Lord, You are Lord of my life." We need to believe that God raised him from the dead...then, we will be saved.

Back to the service, Tom's wife had a massive breakdown in the middle to where the service had to be stopped for several minutes to let her grieve. The the lights flickered due to the A/C kicking on and causing an energy surge and she screamed..."See, I told you...he's here...he came to say goodbye." My heart broke for her. There is absolutely no peace in her life. No knowing where her husband is. No comfort of my savior.

I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 8 years old. I was baptized confessing Him as my Lord. I'm not even close to being a perfect person but I have assurance in my salvation. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My first thoughts at the funeral were that I needed to get mine and my family's health in a priority so we can be here to raise our kids, which is true, but the more I sat in there and listened to everything that was going on I praised God that IF something ever does happen to Lonnie or me, we have the assurance that the other is in the presence of our all loving Father.

John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have everlasting life."

Please don't be in the position of Tom where you don't know, don't leave your family in a position of not knowing where you are.

I know this was long and much of it probably is rambled because it is late at night and I'm very tired but I had to get these feelings out. All I know is when I go home I want there to be a celebration knowing how happy I am. I understand that people will grieve as I grieve for those I've lost but I will be happy. I will be singing praises to Jesus.

Update

Shortly after posting this we went to urgent care because Khi was having a hard time breathing and gasping for air. It sounded as if he was breathing through a straw. Urgent care closes at 11 and we signed in at 10:55. That was scary. I was worried we wouldn't make it before they closed but we did. Of course Khi had calmed down and fallen asleep too. The Dr. still came in and saw him and said he had a viral infection with underlying asthma. (duh) LOL ok sorry. He gave him a prescription for Prednisone and his inhaler.

The Prednisone has made him not abnormal, but everything he does he does 10xs. he was trying to hand me something yesterday and he kept giving it to me but was forgetting to let go. It's cute but oh my. HAHA. Anyway. I think we are all on the mend. At least I pray this is the end of this cold. :)

Mommy Struggles

Being an asthmatic as a kid is hard. It's a struggle to run, play, and do many other things. I pushed myself as a kid but every time I did, I would get into trouble and not be able to breathe. I would be so sad and so depressed all the time when kids would play and I wasn't able to. Now as a mommy, I'm seeing a whole new side to asthma. My precious Malakhi is so sick with a cold and night times are horrible. He coughs so hard he ends up throwing up.

I just went into his room because his coughing was not letting up. I picked him up and had to wake him completely up to use his inhaler as he just cried. He then begged me to just hold him so I picked him up, took him to the bathroom, and rubbed vicks all over his little chest. My heart just broke. As I sat in the bathroom with him, all I could do was pray and cry. It hurts me so much to see such a little guy be in such misery. I love you Malakhi. I pray Mateo doesn't have asthma. He's already starting to show signs as well.

Lord, let Your will be done. Please help me to be strong for my boys. In Jesus Name. Amen.